He said I wasn’t Christian enough
He thinks I am not proud of who I am
And he would not be surprised if one day I backslid
My life is not convincing enough
Every belief and confidence I had got shattered
In the truth emanating from his mouth.
He wanted to be like ‘him’
If one day he were to be born again.
‘What about me?’ I asked
You are complacent in your walk with God;
You are afraid to flaunt who you serve.
‘But don’t you know I am Christian?’ I argued
Yes but how long did it take me?
My first impression was different.
I cried to God pleading
He reminded me of what He has been telling me
Haven’t you compromised your values?
Haven’t you lusted over those you call pagans?
Haven’t you wished for a second you had never known me?
“But that was all in my mind Lord, I promise.
This world is hard to live in as a your child”
“And don’t you think your life portrayed it?
Don’t you think you have lost the sweetness of salvation?”
When you allow your heart to be enticed
By the pleasures of this world;
And push my spirit away.
When you chose the comfort of your alone time over ‘our’ alone time
When you live like tomorrow is guaranteed
And expect me to bless each step.
Don’t you think your mind is mirrored through your life?”
“When my name is not mentioned in your vocabulary
Yet proudly proclaim to be Rwandese?
You are so ashamed of me in your actions
Yet so loud with your mouth
Do you think I will not be ashamed of you before my father?
I cried in repentance.
I told him
I want to change the world
I want to change MY World
But first I will allow to be transformed in Him.
And I am going to be seasoned again
Become the salt in my world
The light that illuminates in the darkness
I want to be the ‘him’ that my friend said
That one person they refer to for salvation
I want to be the Jesus that everyone sees.